Sexual Sensibilities and Curiosities of Children

Written by Dr. Rajan Bhosale| Translated by Alka Gadgil

Marathi literature has not taken note of the delicate topic of sexuality of children. You will hardly find any material on thiselusive theme. In the following article Dr. Bhosale, a senior sexologist explains the motivation behind his book ‘Aadhunik Palakatwa- Kitit Ajaan Kiti Sujan?’ (Modern day Parenting – How Uninformed? How Sensible?)

My readers and well wishers have been telling me to write a book on modern day parenting and the challenges they face. I also felt the need to write a book on ‘parenting and sexuality’. I was interested to explore -what happens when you encounter your child’s curiosity about sex. There was a need to bring out a book on this topic in Marathi. I kept writing and I am happy to present it to my readers. 

I am a doctor and a counsellor by profession and I have been addressing various concerns and challenges of my patients. Some problems take a serious turn because they were not addressed in time. There are ample of cases of this kind and I have written about it in my book. There’s a need to create awareness about the glitches in parenting and in relationships. I had toyed with this idea for long and now it’s has taken shape. The parent-children relationship is the first and most important bond in our life. The vast expanse of this relationship covers many important years of our life.

A lot happens between parents and children which has profound effects on every aspect of our personality and that of children. When parents falter its impact is felt on children and society alike. As a doctor and counsellor, I have witnessed umpteen examples of this from close quarter. It’s possible to prevent the damage if we act in time. 

My experience tells me that it’s possible to prevent a problem before it occurs. But when a problem occurs, we have to look for its origin which is a tedious task. I have purposefully cited some instances of this in my book. Problems spring from ignorance, prejudice, thoughtlessness, misunderstanding and lack of foresight. One has to get proper guidance and counselling for overcoming the problems. Pills and medicine won’t work here. Doctors will promptly prescribe the medicines and pills but they are not able to give adequate time to their patients.

There are many problems on which pills won’t work but listening to them, giving time to them will.  We have to spend time with the client during counselling. I have been following this principle since many years. I have included this issue in the counselling curriculum and we stress on this principle emphatically while teaching.  

You may be active, honest and forthcoming in your work butyou are not able to reach many people who are in stress and constant pain. This angst had been bothering me for many years. Through this book I would like to get connected with many parents whom I have not been able meet. Hence, I gladly accepted the challenge of writing this book. Parenting is a very vast and complex topic. I have only picked up a few strands related to sexuality for the book. I have maintained a record of the cases handled by me.  I have cited few a selected cases pertaining to sexuality for my readers. I have changed the names and locations of the persons for maintaining confidentiality. I also sought consent of few of my clients for citing their case history. 

When parents have to deal with their children’s sexual curiosities and sexual awareness they get confused and baffled. I have been experiencing this for 36 years of my practice. When parenting and sexuality collide parents are often overwhelmed. The purpose behind this book is to create awareness about this issue. I have tried to demonstrate that it is possible to address the issue of sexuality in many different ways. I have handled 100s of such cases in which the parents and children were at loggerhead. I sorted out the confusion and troubles. Each case was a challenge by itself. I learnt from almost all the cases I handled. They gave me new viewpoint, new way of looking at things. Marathi literature has not taken note of this topic and there are more complex issues which have been completely blacked out, e.g. the issues of transsexuality, body dysphoric disorder, PCOC (Polycystic ovary syndrome), anabolic steroids, homosexuality, gynaecomastia, sadism, aromanticism, sexual obsessive, compulsive disorder and pgraphy addiction. I have written about all of the above in my book. We don’t even have synonyms for all these words in Marathi. That only goes to show the apathy of our society. However, these issues are beginning to emerge in large numbers. The mental state and relationship of many have been disturbed and the family finds it difficult to deal with these problems. That’s why I found it important to write on these delicate but pressing topics.

The writer is a senior sexologist from Maharashtra. Share your feedback on [email protected]

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